วันนี้พี่นำข้อแนะนำรวมทั้งนำ Essay ที่ได้รับการแก้ไขโดย IELTS Examiner แล้ว มาฝากน้องๆกันนะคะ ใครที่ยังไม่ได้ลองเขียนแนะนำให้ไปลองเขียนกันได้ตามลิ้งค์นี้เลยค่ะ
Some authors believe that urbanization is a “Modern Disease”. In no less 250 words explain if you agree with this view and give your own opinion.
It is undeniable that new job opportunities in the cities motivateds the mass movements of population away from the countryside to find seek out new chancesbreaks and fulfill hopes .However, there are proponents of the belief that urbanization is a “Modern Disease”. From my perspective, I agree with this quote definition and this essay will examine the social and environmental aspects in which urbanization is a “Modern Disease”.
To begin with, while since the numbers of population figures in urban areas have been growing rapidly, they leads to the lack of habitat space in cities. Those who cannot afford the a residentce to live in are going to live in slums or they will become the homeless. Many slums in the world are the root of many social problems ,for example, we can heard from the media that crimes and drug abuse are often happen rampant in slums. Therefore, these can infect to caused the social problem to another part of society like a modern disease.
Furthermore, urbanization brings to forththe environmental problems. Due to the large number of people, the amount of waste we produce has increased also. Even though some cities in the world have the laws to impose a fine to anyone who throws litter on the streets and into rivers, there are still the one those who break the rule. Governors have to find areas to bury and demolish dispose of this waste , then carbon dioxide are isemitted from burning process and from its the cars that we use also.
In conclusion, from my point of view cities are not the place of civilize living like we have seen from Hollywood movies or in our real live ,since the growing growth of the cities confront with presents many troubles some scenarios such as homelessness, slums ,criminals, and environment issues. However, to solveing this problem, I think that governments should decentralize facilityies and launch the a campaign that supports the private sector to invest in rural areas which will make equal development to remote areas.
Estimate IELTS Band : 5.5
IELTS Examiner Comment : Student, I had to add a lot of plural’s on nouns because when you write is general contexts, you need plural nouns. As you can see, every line has errors. If you cut down on the little mistakes, and add your own experiences into the essay as examples, you’d get a higher mark. You are on the right track so keep trying.