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The desire for higher status or greater wealth than others is what motivates most people to succeed in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
In today’s world, desiring higher status in society or greater money than others is considered as a motivation for many people who want to achieve in their lives. People currently have various views on whether it is a major factor for becoming successful. In my opinion, the demand for better financial status or higher social position has a great impact on people’s achievements. However, I am convinced that there are other factors involved, which can contribute to accomplishing one’s goal.
Some people believe that not only money is one of the crucial aspects for living, but fame also plays an important part in people’s lives. People who aim for both factors generally look for wealth, prosperity and reputation in order to reach their aims. <—- This sounds rather strange (illogically developed). For example, some politicians spend plenty of their money on election campaigns, which introduce them to voters so as to win the election and become a part of the government.
Apart from money and fame, some people are of the opinion that happiness is another factor playing a vital role in making one’s life successful. Becoming a happy person, people should attempt to think positively and control their impulsive emotion in any circumstances. If those people who feel unhappy with their lives cannot deal with fluctuating emotion nor negative thinking, they will not be able to succeed in their careers. For instance, aggressive politicians <—- Aggressive politicians do not have to be unhappy! may not gain people’s respect and may be unable to succeed in any duties.
All things considered, we can conclude that the desire for greater money or higher social status is not the only inspiring factor for accomplishing one’s life. This is because happiness is another element of stimulating people to become successful too.
IELTS Examiner’s Comment:
Generally, this task response was adequate, but its logical progression was affected by a number of systematic grammatical errors and inappropriate word choices. Certain sentences were illogically developed, which considerably affected the overall structure of the essay.
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