จากงานเขียน Writing Task I ที่พี่ลงไว้ให้ในคราวที่แล้ว วันนี้พี่ได้นำเฉลยพร้อมคำแนะนำดีๆจาก IELTS Examiner มาฝากแล้วค่ะ ตามมาดูกันเลยดีกว่าค่ะ
The graph illustrates international water usage by different sectors such as agriculture, industrial and domestic use. The information from the table shows water consumption from 2 different nations: Brazil and Congo in 2000.
The highest trend of global water consumption is by the agricultural sector which increased gradually from 1900 to 1950 and continued to rise somewhat between 1950 and 1970 before having gone up rapidly from 1970 to 2000. Next is the industrial use of water. It is a little higher than domestic use and grew significantly more than domestic use between 1950 and 2000.
In 2000, the nation of Brazil consumes more water than people of Congo at over 40 times per person accounting for 359 m3 and 8 m3 respectively. Brazilians are approximately 176 million in number, while there are only 5.2 million citizens in Congo. Apparently, the irrigated land of Brazil is 265 times larger than the Democratic Republic of Congo’s; therefore, Congo citizens use less water than people of Brazil.
The highest trend of worldwide water use is by farms that increased every year since 1900 until 2000. The population, irrigated land and water consumption per individual of Brazil are all higher than of the Democratic Republic of Congo.
Approximate IELTS score: 6.0
IELTS Examiner’s Comments: Try to use language other than given in the question. For example, “agriculture” could be farms/farmers and “domestic” could by private/households. Also, in task1, be careful with punctuation. Use a lot of transitions and link data together. Add a few more members as well. The organization of your task 1 is good and you should be fine on the exam if you review your work.
เป็นอย่างไรบ้างคะ ได้ข้อแนะนำที่ดี อย่าลืมนำไปปรับปรุงแก้ไขกันนะคะ พี่เชื่อว่างานเขียนของน้องๆจะดีขึ้นอย่างแน่นอน แล้วพบกันใหม่ในตอนหน้าค่ะ