จากหัวข้อที่พี่ได้เอามาฝากกันคราวที่แล้ว IELTS Essay: Topic prevent overcrowding in cities ครั้งนี้พี่นำเฉลยพร้อมทั้งคำแนะนำจาก IELTS Examiner มาฝากค่ะ เหมือนเช่นเคย น้องๆนักเรียนสถาบันสามารถขอตัวอย่างใน BAND ระดับ 7-8-9 ได้นะคะ
At present, many large cities throughout the world are confronted with overcrowding. A great number of countries have set their sights on this national problem that needs immediate actions as overcrowding leads to many negative effects on society including insufficient resources, pollution, crime , and so forth. Some people suggest that prevention of migration from rural areas is the only way to solve the problem. Nevertheless, there are several applicable ways to tackle overcrowding in cities.
To begin with, family planning agencies should be assigned to each community. As we all know, even as the smallest unit, the family unit has significant influence on our society, especially on population figures. According to this, family planning agencies play a vital role in providing practical advice to families, for instance, the number of children that each family can bring up and the right ways to raise a child. Moreover, family planning agencies can uphold the authority by offering the information about the demographics of the families in their constituent areas and the approximate population level, which can be used to manage overcrowding in each city.
Furthermore, heavy industries should be encouraged to locate their plants in suburban or rural areas, rather than in the middle of cities. Setting up factories in suburban or rural areas is not only offering employment to the people upcountry, but it is also a logical practice to resolve overcrowding in capital cities.
To sum up, in my point of view, obviation of migration from rural areas is not the only one possible way to address overcrowding in cities. Establishing family planning agencies and setting up heavy industries’ plants in suburban or rural areas are other possible methods to solve the problem.
ESTIMATE IELTS BAND : 6.0-6.5
IELTS Examiner’s Comment:
Overall, your essay is not bad but you need to develop your ideas further. The topic requires that you answer this question “How far do you agree?” Unfortunately, you have not answered this question directly. Try to go over your errors in detail and add more examples next time. The lack of example and slight underweighted paragraph resulted in a penalty. Keep trying!!