มาพบกับเฉลยของ Topic ที่แล้วนะคะ IELTS Writing TASK II: Topic Nurseries and Kindergartens เหมือนทุกครั้งค่ะ มีทั้งเฉลยพร้อมทั้งคำแนะนำจาก IELTS Examiner มาฝากค่ะ น้องๆสถาบันสามารถขอตัวอย่าง IELTS ESSAY BAND ระดับ 7-9 เพื่อนำไปดูเป็นตัวอย่างได้นะคะ
Topic : Nowadays, nurseries and kindergartens take care of children from an early age, so women can return to their work and children can get used to society early. Is this good thing ? What is your opinion ?
In the modern world, it is undeniable that parents are often weighed down with financial burden; therefore, working mothers choose to prematurely go back to work after childbirth. As a result, those mothers let infant care centers or preschools to look after their children who are under the age of six. In my viewpoint, there are some downsides as follows.
To begin with, mothers who return to work after their baby is born risk causing serious damage to the child’s prospects in later life. Such children are more likely to do worse at school, become unemployed and suffer mental stress than youngsters whose mothers stay at home to bring them up. Owing to the fact that children are young and are not able to differentiate between right and wrong behavior, it is the mother’s responsibility in bringing up the children and forming their characters as well as emotion, mental and intellectual development during their childhood.
Also, the children are less likely to get the one-to-one care from childcare centers or kindergartens. This means those children may not get as much attention from care givers because they look after up to three babies, and this contributes to children not gaining enough supervision. In addition, the children may be more likely to catch illnesses such as colds and conjunctivitis easily if infant care centers or preschools are not clean. Unfortunately, it would affect with children’s health.
To conclude, I am convinced that early childhood sees the greatest growth and development, and this is a crucial part of a child’s makeup; consequently, children should be educated at home during their childhood and mothers play an important role in their children’s development.
ESTIMATE IELTS BAND : 6.0-6.5
IELTS Examiner’s Comment:
You have a good hold of writing in English and you have to make sure to address the prompt information directly. You should have argued against the claim that kids can get used to society early in preschools. Your essay could be considered as slightly missing the target in terms of content. Don’t be afraid to explore your ideas further and get them on paper instead of adding formulaic language. You’ll benefit from that.