วันนี้มาดูเฉลยงานเขียนของสัปดาห์ที่แล้วในหัวข้อ Modern Disease กันนะคะ
Some authors believe that urbanization is a ‘Modern Disease’. In no less than 250 words explain if you agree with this view and give your own opinion.
At present, it is undeniable that urbanization
is has spread to many societies in developing countries for making rural areas become civilized. Some people claim that urbanization has numerous advantages for people to live in modernized town. However, from my perspective, towns that have been urbanized are suffered bysuffer from various obstacles a term called ‘Modern Disease’.
First and foremost, urbanization causes environmental problems which are air pollution and water pollution. Pollution is regarded as a fundamental problem of developing countries as a whole. For example, if rural areas have to expand land
s in order to build infrastructure s such as office buildings, department stores, theatres, and resort hotels, it is inevitable to have many that kinds of pollution are caused by their construction. materials. Moreover, overpopulation is deemed as a major obstacle in urbanized towns. To illustrate this, Siam Paragon department store in Bangkok is a perfect example. In On the weekend, a large number of people often go shopping and buy ing food. Because of this, goods in many shops are sold out. Having said that overpopulation makes people get frustrated, the government tries to find a way to reduce this stress by launching a campaign in order to persuade people to live in rural areas.] New paragraph à[In addition, urbanization contributes to have a crime in towns. Undoubtedly, pickpockets and robbers usually commit a crime in crowded places. For example, my friend went to Asiatique, which is the famous landmark of tourists and Thais in Bangkok on Loy Kratong’s Day. I was told that her priceless Prada wallet had been stolen there the day before and she had been unable to catch the thief. She had felt like a fish out of the water because too many people had been bustling around and it was so noisy that she couldn’t even breathe. As a result, I realized that if my friend had lived in a suburban areas, she would not have faced the terrible situation about stealing. of theft. –> Must be more than one paragraph
With all things considered, many obstacles
were have happened because of urbanization. From where I stand, to prevent the ‘Modern Disease’ not to happen in the future, the government have has to plan practical strategies to prevent problems from urbanization in every area s for making to make people in societies live happily without fear and dissatisfaction.
(Estimate IELTS Band Score: 6.0)
IELTS Examiner Comments
your essay has some good merit, especially with the variety of grammar coupled with examples from your experience. Note that you must have two or three body paragraphs in your next essay and you did not define the term ‘modern disease’ in your essay. What do you think it means?