จากงานเขียนหัวข้อ unsuitable material on medias ของคราวที่แล้ว ลองมาดูเฉลยจาก IELTS Examiner และคำแนะนำดีๆกันนะคะ
At present, it is undeniably true a concern that children can assccess to media such as the Internet and TV easily. Therefore, inappropriate content has been exposed to youngsters when they may not be mature enough. Although some people believe that the government should take responsibility in media censorship, I personally think that parents play a more important role to protect children’s predicaments. from inappropriate content.
To start with, parents can closely advise their children to watch suitable programs on TV or the internet. This would mean that parents should encourage youngsters to participle or subscribe in to useful websites or choose TV channels which help them broaden their vision and knowledge. Take national geographies for example, this channel provides various programs about animals and livings natural habitats around the world. Moreover, the contents are free from violence or unsuitable items so children can enjoy this program regularly. Another good program is “Sesame Street”, this program teaches English to children with fun games and entertaining role plays.
Furthermore, with efforts from parents, young adults can be avoided protected from inappropriate contents promptly as the fact that parents can take action immediately when they discover their children consuming unfavorable media. For instance, in the scene which when actors useing guns, parents should supervise teach youngsters what isare “do’s and don’t’s ” action in real life. In some programs which contain sexual contents, parents better watch with their children and explain to them the appropriate manner to act in society
With all reasons taken into account, <–what reasons? I firmly believe that parents are the key persons who can guide and manipulate steer our future generations to utilize media reasonably, Rresulting from the fact that they can pick up out the right programs and give some advice to the youth directly.
Estimate IELTS Band Score: 6.0
IELTS Examiner’s Comments: You’ve got a good hold of grammar although it was kept rather simple. Where are the perfect tenses and past tenses? Add real example from your life to bring more valuable tenses into the essay. Be careful with your spelling and you may add a direct quote to add more styles.