In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success?
In recent decades, a gap between egalitarian societies and personal success has enlarged and it seems to be unstoppable. Although some people think that they should focus on their personal goals, other individuals might consider that the same rights the doctrine of equality and same opportunities would bring about the long live lasting benefits to our societies. In my opinion, I strongly agree that people can achieve more in this equal societies that favour equality.
On the one hand, the egalitarian societies lead have led to many advantages to enjoyed by every person, particularly poor people. For one thing, the number of uneducated people has rose risen rapidly since the last decade. Due to poverty, they lack opportunities to learn. Take African children as an example, they only have a day to day plan lifestyle and cannot imagine how they get a chance to study in schools. In additional, the same right an equal voice is another basic thing right that creates equal opportunities. Each person has his or her own vision to develop their communities by voting. Burma is a prime example, after all much strife, Burmese citizens obtained their right to vote from the military ,and Burma then has become the an anopen country with the a giant leap of in the economy in of the ASEAN. This kind of equality would ensure the success of many citizens.
On the other hand, I would argue that equal rights and opportunities are do not affect with assure people’s freedom to succeed or fail. Firstly, I believe that most people would feel happier and more confident to work if they are successful in the fair communities. In contrast, those who achieve their lives by taking advantages from of others are never be reach real success. Furthermore, a social enterprise is a new career that can achieve both personal and social benefits .For instance, Dr. Muhamus Yunus who received noble the nobel prize from initiating founding a bank for the poor by giving microfinance services named Grameen Bank., Poor people can get a personal loan without requiring collateral leading to sustainable careers in Bangladesh.
All things considered, personal success and equality can be exist together. From my perspective, this brings about many benefits to our communities
Estimate IELTS BAND Score: 6.0
IELTS Examiner Comments : You’ve really put a lot of effort into this task and there are clearly errors to improve on. Study the corrections and you must have a longer conclusion. Make the conclusion thought-provoking and drive home your opinion in it. I like your examples in this essay and overall, the essay has good cohesion.