คราวที่แล้วพี่ได้นำหัวข้อเรื่องเกี่ยวกับน้ำหนักและสุขภาพมาฝากกัน ซึ่งพี่คิดว่าเป็นเรื่องที่เขียนไม่ยากมากนะคะ เนื่องจากเป็นเรื่องใกล้ตัว แนะนำให้น้องๆที่เพิ่งเริ่มเขียน Writing ลองฝึกจากเรื่องในลักษณะแบบนี้ไปก่อนนะคะ ส่วนใครที่ได้ลองทำกันแล้วพี่ขอนำเฉลยและคำแนะนำดีๆจาก IELTS Examiner มาฝากกันนะคะ ส่วนใครที่ยังไม่เคยเขียนไปดูหัวข้อ Writing คราวที่แล้วได้จากหัวข้อด้านล่างนี้เลยค่ะ
หัวข้อ IELTS Task 2 : เรียน IELTS Writing กับหัวข้อเกี่ยวกับน้ำหนักและสุขภาพ
In this day and age, populations in developed countries are increasingly overweight. They exercise less often than the pasts and are neglect of their health. Individuals are completely focused on their job and forget to take care of themselves. This essay will describe some factors which may cause these this and also suggest some feasible methods to deal with them.
The first and foremost cause is that we are in the a world that where the standard of living is higher than the pasts. Due to this fact, working people are hard work for hard to earning a lot of high salary. They spend a lion’s share the majority of their time on jobs at work. This is why they do not have time to think about exercise and become more and more fat in each day. Take my sister as an example, she has been working as an auditor for five years. As is known to all, auditors work hard. During year-ended period last year, she worked long hours with under strict deadlines. This made her feel stressed out. Moreover, she did not have time to think about workout working out and good her health. As a result, she gained her weight four kilograms in three months.
Furthermore, technology governs individuals’s daily life, especially children’s. They spend most of their time on playing games with their iPad, laptop of even iPhone. They are much highly addicted to games until they forget to have lunch or dinner. Moreover, they do not recognize playing sports as they used to do in the pasts. For example, my youngest brother was fond of playing tennis when he was ten years old. He had been playing tennis for three year-old till since being there years old until he attended secondary school. He forgot his tennis time and played games with his friend because almost all of his classmates played games together. He was so addicted to it and had a lot of pre-prepared meals in order to play games as soon as he could.
As a consequentce, there is are two means to deal with these problems. To begin with, people in of all ages should balance time between work or study and leisure time for taking to take care of themselves. They should spend time eight hours a day as a standard times on working life and the other remainder is for workout exercise. As is often stated, individuals should exercise three times a week for twenty minutes. As well, they should pay more attention on the food’s nutritional content so as to a better heath. Food intake in each day should contain some vegetables and fruits.
With All things taken in consideration, working hard work of workers and children dominated by new technology are two main causes of these problems obesity. I am convinced that the practical way out is to respond to this are by balanceing time in each day and eat a healthy diet.
(Estimate IELTS Band Score: 6.0)
IELTS Examiner Comment: You’ve added real examples and your overall content is satisfactory. As you see, there are plenty of errors (every line) to go over and study from. In fact, it’s your grammar which is your weakness. Study hard and work on writing more accurately.
IELTS Institute Team