เฉลยงานเขียน IELTS Writing Task 2
คราวนี้มาตามติดว่าอาจารย์จะแก้ Grammar และ Vocab ในจุดไหนกันดีกว่าค่ะ
Despite improvements in vehicle technology, there are still large numbers of road accidents. Explain some of the causes of these accidents, and suggest some measures that could be taken to address the problem.
At present, no matter how innovative the vehicles are, the number of road accidents is still in increaseon the rise. This is because apart from new technology, there are other factors involved in the safety on the street. This essay will outline some of the reasons causing mishaps on the road and some feasible solutions to this problem.
There are some main factors causing tragic events on the roadway. First of all, accidents tend to occur when people are imprudent. Most high experience highly experienced drivers are predisposed to think that they are ‘an expert’ in driving. As a result, those ‘experts’ drive their cars fast and try to overtake other lower speed slower cars. Moreover, most of the drivers are unaware of their safety level of risk by not fastening safety belts while they’re driving. Consequently, their wrong careless behaviors leads to several severe car crashes. In addition, young drivers are one of the important factors pertaining causes toof street accidents. It’s true that most of theyoungsters are naturally impetuous. These kids drive their cars fast and tend to increase the speed when are accompanied by friends. However, due to a lack of experience and maturity, these youths lose consciousness concentration and can’t control their cars when something goes wrong, such as a tire blowout, happensing suddenly, contributing to loss in life and possession. 184
In order to reduce car accidents, some practical measures should be implemented. Intense punishments Punhishment should be considered first. The traffic penalties of every country should be strong harsh and clear enough to deter commuters from offending them traffic laws. For example, a driver who texts and drives must be fined and be ticketed; moreover, his or her driving license must be confiscated for one year so that he or she has no chance to drive a car over that period. Another possible solution is that when severe accidents stem from juveniles, parents should be the one taking responsibility for their children’s action. For instance, if the a traffic collision were occurred by due to a 15-year-old boy driver and the incident also caused death to other people, lad’s parents would should be put in jail instead. This will make both parents and their children more aware of the consequences from letting their kids run the car themselves.
To sum up, the increasing number of road accidents results from several factors. However, it’s the duty of all commuters and also police officers to make the a street the safe place not the a risky one
(Estimate IELTS Band Score: 7.0)
IELTS Examiner Comments:
Despite a few convoluted sentences to express ideas, your essay scores quite well due to the variety of language and structures. Don’t forget that an essay should have examples to support ideas and this allows for more tenses to be shown (past tense, perfect tense, etc.)
IELTS Institute Team