กลับมาพบกับเฉลยงานเขียน IELTS ในส่วนที่ 2 สำหรับหัวข้อ traditional house VS modern apartment กันนะคะ ใครที่ยังไม่มีโอกาสลองเขียนมาส่ง ลองกลับไปดูกันได้ที่
Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a modern apartment building?
Nowadays, it’s undeniable that many people, especially (those) who live in a city, live in a modern apartment rather than live in a local house. However, others still dream of living in a house where have (which has) more space than (a) apartment. From my point of view, as I have lived in (an) urban area for my whole life. I prefer to stay in a modern apartment building.
There are several benefits of living in a modern apartment. To start with, it’s easier to clean one’s habitation. Although there are (is) less area in a modern apartment than in a big local house but this less (smaller) area can be a positive point. Especially, nowadays (when) many workers have to work very hard and spend most of their time in an office. As a result, they have less free time than (in) the past so to live in a place where (which) doesn’t need to be clean frequently seem(s) to be an excellent choice.
In addition, many modern condominiums provide many facilities such as (a) fitness center, (a) swimming pool and tennis courts so many workers who (are) tried (SP.) from their work can relax and do some exercise by using these facilities. (SP. tired)
With respect to the safety perspective, living in a modern room tend (apartment building) to be more safety (safer) than living in a traditional house. This is due to there are (being) security systems, for example CCTV and security guards, to make sure nobody can come to one’s room and steal their stuffs.
With all things taken into consideration, most new generations (,) including myself(,) tend to live in a modern apartment because many facilities are provided and (its) also easier to live in the modern world.
(Estimate IELTS Band Score: 6.0)
IELTS Examiner Comments
There are fewer mistakes compared to the other essay. However, you have to remember that the introduction must always be shorter than each of your body paragraphs. There is just one sentence in the second body paragraph. Real-world examples are also needed. Expand your idea more.
IELTS Institute Team