จากงานเขียน Writing IELTS Task I ในหัวข้อ degree of using theater, concert and cinema วันนี้พี่ได้เอาคำแนะนำพร้อมทั้งเฉลยจาก IELTS Examiner มาฝากน้องๆกันแล้วนะคะ
ใครที่ได้ลองทำมาส่งแล้ว น่าจะได้รับคำแนะนำจาก IELTS Examiner ของสถาบันไปแล้วนะคะ คราวนี้มาลองดูเฉลยกันดีกว่าค่ะ
The bar charts provide information about how many people of two age groups in there selected countries bought their tickets online over the first quarter of 2006 and their preferred devices to access the internet to buy those tickets.
It can be seen that as many Australians as Britons aged 25-44 who bought tickets online, both being around 55% while the number of Malaysians was slightly lower, However, the number of Malaysians aged least 6.5 was close to that of their British counterparts: approximately 40%. For Australians, there were was a slightly different (45%) Percentage of 45 %.
Looking at the second graph, we can see that the primary common devices used to access the internet in3 countries were desktop computers. They were used by around 60% each, closely followed by laptops which were by as many Australians as Malaysians, both accounting for around 40% but used only 30% of by British citizens chose this device to purchase tickets. The lowest least popular devices used to buy those tickets were mobile phones. The proportion of Australians who used them were was similar to that of their Briton British counterparts and it was almost 30% used in Malaysians by 30% of its citizens.
And in all, the most common devices to access the internet in 3 countries were was the desktop computers.
Estimate IELTS Band Score: 6.0
IELTS Examiner Comments: Student, this response started off really well and then ran into errors expressing percentages in the 2nd body paragraph. You must review the use of figures in future writing tasks and go over your prepositions and choice of subjects. You did try you vary the structures to some good effect but don’t repeat vocab.