วันนี้พี่นำเฉลยของหัวข้อเขียน IELTS เรื่อง Water Consumption ในครั้งก่อนมาฝากกันนะคะ
Reference: IELTS Essay Topic: Water Consumption
เป็นอย่างไรบ้างคะ ได้ลองเขียนส่งมาให้อาจารย์ตรวจกันบ้างรึยังเอ่ย? งานเขียนจะพัฒนาได้จำเป็นต้องฝึกฝนอย่างต่อเนื่องนะคะ ลองมาดูเฉลยและคำแนะนำของ IELTS Examiner กันเลยดีกว่าค่ะ
The graph displays the amount of water used all over the world by different sectors and water consumption in two countries.
As can be seen, the agriculture sector used the highest amount of water of worldwide water. In 1900, the amount of water used by the agriculture sector stood at almost 500 km3. However, there was a slight increase in this sector between 1900 and 1950. After 1950, the proportion of water used by agriculture rose dramatically and reached a peak of approximately 3000 km3 in 2000. The amount of water used by industrial and domestic sectors, however, leveled out between 1900 and 1950 and grew up steadily from 1950 to 2000, standing at just over 1000 km3 respectively.
The proportion of water used in Brazil (359 m3) was more than in DRC (8m3). The key factors being that population and irrigated land affected to the amount of water used in one country. It can be understood that Brazil has more citizens and land than DRC. Hence not surprisingly, the amount of water used was much more.
To sum up, the most career of people in the earth is agriculture. It is not surprising that the greatest proportion of water in the world is used by agriculture of water in the world is used by the agriculture
IELTS Band Score: 5.5
IELTS Examiner’s Comments: Although you’ve studied a lot of trend language and have added it correctly, there is clear room for improvement in the vocabulary area. Try not to take language from the graph and since this is not an essay, there is nothing to “sum up” or conclude. Focus on just expressing the data with rephrased vocabulary (eg. agriculture –> farming, farms, the growing of crops and raising cattle, etc.) Good Luck!
IELTS Institute Team