กลับมาพบกับเฉลยของงานเขียนเกี่ยวกับ Technology made the world smaller ในคราวที่แล้วกันนะคะ ใครที่ยังไม่ได้ลองทำพี่แนะนำให้ตามไปดูได้ที่ Link ด้านล่างเลยค่ะ
It is undeniable that technological advancement plays an important role in modern era. However, some people are concerned about use of technologiesy leading to a long-term increase in social isolation among technophiles. This essay will illustrate some causes of this problem and possible ways to respond to it.
One of the important factors changing the way of social interaction is the forms of technologyical addition media. The presence of social media such as Facebook or Twitter is very influential to teenagers to become addicted. Importantly, such activities change a form of communication from face-to-face interaction to a greater reliance upon the such media. Furthermore, several kinds of application on smart phones are have proven to facilitate urbanites to manage their business by themselves. [Take online-booking programs as an example. One is able to reserve the theatre ticket online through a virtual world on notebook screens. By doing this, there is no need to communicate with salesman salespersons anymore.] <- off-topic example
However In my view, there are some feasible solutions to tackle this problem. First of all, individuals should have time limits on the internet. This will encourage everyone to get closer and talk to family members more often. Secondly, to promote physical activity campaign in the community would increase socialization among local people. By doing this, it provides more opportunities for them to spend time and exchange their work out experience together. Thirdly, to supporting charity events would have positive effects on social interaction. This is because it gives a chance for volunteers to get involved in giving and sharing activity which generate sympathy and altruism in the community.
In summary, as a result of technologyical addiction, people have become confronted with social socially isolationed. I strongly believe that the achievable ways to solve this problem is to restrict time use of internet, encourage physical activity in the community and support charityies in our society.
Estimate IELTS Band Score : 6.0
IELTS Examiner‘s Comments: You need to increase the level of tenses in your essay. Try to include as many tenses as possible by incorporating past tense examples. Also, perfect tenses are required in this topic to emphasize cause & effect relationships. Your tenses are primarily simple and modal verb future tenses. Take a risk with more tenses. Good luck.