จากงานเขียนหัวข้อของคราวที่แล้ว ลองมาดูเฉลยจาก IELTS Examiner และคำแนะนำดีๆกันนะคะ
Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. To what extent do you agree that the internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another?
In today’s world, there are many implements devices and systems which help people around the world contact each other easily. Some people believe that the internet is easier access an easy form which carries brings people together leading to the world become smaller. From my perspective, the internet is a very important tool to connect people with one another.
The primary reason is that it spends a users spend a short time to be able to connect and communicate with each other by the internet. [For example, at present, nobody has enough time to write letters to their loved ones because it takes longer to send or receive information or there may be unavoidable an unfortunate circumstance during the process of sending such as disappeared or it getting lost or damaged paper which information from sender cannot reach to receiver.]ßtoo long a sentence Therefore the internet is the easiest way to send and receive messages straight away.
Additionally, chatting through the internet could lead to have having new online friends. Nowadays, the young generation mostly prefers to do chatting via the internet. During such chatting we can write messages and also get responses at the same time. This is another way to get to know new online friends and have a chance to exchange beneficial information and good experiences with each other. Besides, voice chatting is becoming more popular because it make people who live in long-distance relationship felting feel that distance is not an obstacle for communication. For example, throughout my exchange student life in the USA for one year, I always had an opportunity to stay in contact with my family living in Thailand by doing voice chatting through the internet. As a result, this made me feel very delighted to talk with my beloved ones and not being lonely any more.
In conclusion, the internet is one of the most successful and modernized tools not only for communication, but also for acquiring relevant information regarding every field in a short period of time.
Overall IELTS Band Score 6.0
IELTS Examiner‘s Comments: this was a solid essay with a very good example included in the second body paragraph. As you can see, there are not too many errors in the second half. It would be good idea to compare today’s communication to the past and then include some past tense example as well.