วันนี้พี่มาเฉลยและนำคำแนะนำดีๆจาก IELTS Examiner มาฝากน้องๆกันนะคะ ในหัวข้อการใช้คอมพิวเตอร์ส่งผลเสียกับเด็กมากกว่าผลดี คุณเห็นด้วยหรือไม่? ลองมาดูต้นฉบับกันในคราวที่แล้วนะคะ
Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree?
It is undeniable that computers is one of the most are very important parts in modern society. Some think that future generations can be more affected by computers in bad ways more than good ways if they use those them daily. Personally, I entirely disagree with this opinion. Nonetheless, I realize that everyone thinks differently.
On the one side of the argument, there are some people who feel that children tend to become addicted to computers easily when they use those electronic devices every day. Firstly, they suggest that playing computers games wastes children’s time. For instance, children who use computers playing game very evening would not have enough time to review their lessons and do their homework. Hence, they would probably get a low grade. Moreover, if children always use computer, they would have less time to spend with their family, for example, watching television and having dinner together. Eventually, they consider that this could result in a poor family’s relationship. loosening of the bond between family members.
On the other side of the argument, I personally disagree with this viewpoint because although it is possible that my offspring kids would be influenced by computer in negative ways, I would be able to control their computer usage so that they would get more benefits than disadvantageous drawbacks outcome. Initially, I would guide them to use computers in to broaden their knowledge, namely doing exercises stimulating work via e-learning programmer, searching for academic information and preparing their lessons through with the aid of an online encyclopedia. Apart from getting smarter, the benefits of these helpful usages ideas could be having excellent learning skills and a wider perspective. Therefore, a chance of getting a degree would increase, and when my children become adults, there is a good opportunity that they would get a good job. Fortunately, this would result in earning a high salary. Furthermore, though my descendant kids could live far away from me, we could contact each other every day via computers. To illustrate, if my kids study abroad I would be able to call them by using chatting programmers, including Skype and Line. In spite of a long distance call being far apart, family’s members would get feel closer and have a good connection.
As one can see from reading the information presented (ß not academic) In conclusion, I still believe that if my offspring children use a computer every day in appropriate way, they would experience positive more than negative results.
Estimate IELTS Band Score: 5.0
IELTS Examiner Comments: Wow , you love the word “would” (x13!) and other modal verbs. What that indicates is that your grammar is basically the same structure over and over again. Work on rephrasing and using real world examples. Your grammar is always in the future, but if you look at the question, it should be in the present. Make your writing more personable and use your experiences from the past.