จากงานเขียนหัวข้อ Free Education ของคราวที่แล้ว ลองมาดูเฉลยจาก IELTS Examiner และคำแนะนำดีๆกันนะคะ
In order for the country to develop fully it must provide free education for everyone at whatever cost it might be. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
In several years, (M)many countries have a policy to provide complimentary education for their citizens. The purpose is to develop their countries, both society (for social) and economic areas (purposes). In my opinion, I completely agree that the government of each country must encourage gratis education for people because of the following reasons.
First of all, education leads people (to) have a good opportunity to aet in (fulfill) many roles. There are a different (oes) in education between the rich and the poor. who (live) in third-world countries. The wealthy pupils always have a chance to study in high level of education, whereas most of the poor children have to leave the school before grade 12 due to the fact the some countries provide free compulsory education from primary school to junior high school, which is (a) very low level of education when compared with developing countries. As a result, the citizens who studies in high level can work in a great (full professional) position(s), while some of the poor who have not graduated became as a worker; if they (had) studies in the university, they would have (had) a more good (greater) opportunity (ies). Moreover, people can use knowledge from studying to apply when live(ing) in society and develop their country is in place and no (a peaceful manner without becoming) criminal.
Furthermore, (the) level of citizen’s education and a number of literacy rate a measurement of the growth of economies (y). It is believed that if a country has a lot of graduated people, the country will grow sharply. This is because they willcreate new ideas and invent many useful devices or equipment which can be traded in the future. Thus, the country will gain from those (that the intellectual property). Another reason is investment of foreign companies; large international companies usually have invested in countries where almost of the high performance individual since they believe that employer is an important factor to develop their business. Consequently, the government will receive direct and indirect profits the investment such as taxation, fee, and other.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that the government must provide free people due to (the) plenty of advantages as stated above, which benefits not only citizens but also country.
Estimate IELTS Band Score: 6.5
IELTS Examiner’s Comments: Student, don’t rely on modal verbs and if- conditionals too much. Vany your language by adding real past-tense examples and more perfect tenses. This topic is about causes/effects, so perfect tenses are needed. Overall, the errors are minor ones. Good work