มาพบกันอีกครั้งนะคะ คราวนี้พี่นำเอาเฉลยจากครั้งที่แล้วในหัวข้อ Sport Athletes ของน้องที่เตรียมสอบ IELTS Writing มากฝากกัน ลองมาดูกันเลยดีกว่าค่ะ ว่า Examiner จะแก้อะไรและมีความเห็นอย่างไรบ้าง?
Successful sports professional can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this fully justified while other think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In recent years, Sport professionalss are interesting careers due to the potential of athletes marking a lot of money. At the same time, other important professions significantly provide numerous benefits to societies but their salaries are not the same as on par with the income of successful professional athletes. From my perspective, every career including sports should have the same opportunitiesty to earn lots of money despite the critics.
With regard to the fierce competition as amongst sport professionals, there are only a few successful athletes due to high fierce competition in this career. As a consequence, many athletes have been trained since they were in the primary school. They have to be hard- working and relentlessly practicingse. A further consider is that they are not only trained in physical skills. but also must be prepared in mental and emotional skills. Owing to limited seats available, some athletes practice for a decade to be ready in the a worldwide completion like the Olympic Ggames. Some of them enhance their own countries’ reputation so they deserve a superior return financial reward. Thus, this career is not easy to reach success and requires tremendous effort which no one knows they will without the guarantee to become successful athlete or not.
In case of other important professionals, some of them bring about greater social benefits than sport experts. For instance, doctors help people live longer and save countless lives and engineerings create innovation and facilities to support our daily lives. Most of them require sophisticated advanced knowledge and skill leading to great lengths to of study. Student who graduated from medical major had to study the general foundation of medical science for 6 years before learning in the a specific major for another 2 years. As a result, we cannot compare them on equal footing. Each occupation has different values and purposes.
All things considered, there are convincing arguments both for and against the earning of a lot of payment by successful sport professionals, but I believe that every career has same right and chance to deserve high wages.
Estimate IELTS Band Score: 6.5
IELTS Examiner’s Comments: There is some excellent language throughout this essay. I would suggest more tenses such as past tense examples and your own experience. You tend to have relied on a little too much present tenses. I’veupgradeda few sections of vocabulary, but, on the whole, you’ve done very well. Good luck!
IELTS Institute Team