จากตัวอย่างของครั้งที่แล้ว พี่นำเอาเฉลยพร้อมคำแนะนำดีๆจาก IELTS Examiner มาฝากน้องๆนะคะ
At present day, many people believe that taking on employment abroad is not only a great opportunity to earn more money for developing countries, but also provides a valuable experience for their life. The positive effect of learning different traditions is to take their pros and cons aspects and apply them in one’s own country. In opposition, dissimilar civilizations may lead to unsolved problems in the future. From my point of view, we can embrace both positive and negative effects of working and living abroad in our way of life.
In this modern world, it’s necessary to study foreign languages and cultures. The positive aspects of getting to know another new society is to utilize new knowledges to improve the bad cultural aspects of our lives. For instance, disciplined Japanese wake up early every morning, go to their appointment on time, and so on.
It’s true that learning other traditions which differ from our own may lead to better lives but there are not always. The possible negative aspects from learning dissimilar traditions is that foreign way of life doesn’t fit to our own lifestyle because they are in unlike in nature, community, society and the list goes on; that‘s may lead to very difficult problems. For example, European culture that allows women to get divorced and they can get married at any time which is different from Thailand. Thai elders could not accepted this culture but young citizens follow this new freedom and begin to have a gap with their own parents.
In my opinion, the probable pitfalls are affect society more than the pros and cons effects because every nation has their own culture that is unlikely from others, and thus, one tradition may be appropriate for one country only.
Approximate IELTS score: 5.0
IELTS Examiner Comments: The grammar still lacks accuracy and I suggest you learn from the corrections. Your first body paragraph needs more development (ie. your example of Japanese needs to show how it can change a Thai worker while abroad). Be careful not to write a long intro. Keep it clear and continue to expand on your ideas. An example can be about someone who you know has worked or lived aboard. On the exam, use real examples!