มาพบกับเฉลยพร้อมคำแนะนำในส่วนของหัวข้อ provide care หรือ financial support สำหรับผู้สูงอายุกันได้แล้วค่ะ ใครยังไม่ได้ลองงานเขียน ielts writing ชิ้นนี้ ไปดูกันได้ที่
IELTS Writing Ref: IELTS Essay Task II: provide care or financial support
Governments should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Many states in the world have offered the benefits for long an extended period of time to those senior citizens after they become retired. Some are of the opinion that there is no need to providinge welfare. I personally reckon that the government should support the elderly people.
On the one hand, some claim that many old people have enough money to live their rest of life with a high living standard. Many people can a get high salary during their service period. Others are involved in various types of businesses after their retirement and earn enough money enough for their lives. Yet,the proportion of these this group are is perceived to be less than those who cannot achieve attain money financial stability after retiredement for [the whole country.Besides, helping from governments can make citizens uncompetitive or not spending money wisely which probably make country lessen down hurts the nation.] in wrong paragraph
However, many people earn a low salary and cannot save significant amount of money. They do not have enough money for living after their retirement. They probably find have found jobs which generate just income for them. However, Senior individuals’s seniors’ healths are is not suitable for the selected jobs. Retired people were helping the government and the country during their working life. They deserve a better, healthier and happier life after having stopped working. The Government should not neglect these people who used to help the country develop prosperously. Plus, in present day family relationships is are not so tight compared to the past. Children tend to live separately from their parents after they have become mature. Unfortunately, some families may put parents to almshouse in on old age home due to the boredom of looking after them. Moreover,as is clearly be seen from in many places there are many elder beggars asking for money from people along the in on roadsides walkways.To tackle such manners,authorities have to provide various benefits such as monthly allowance,free medical check-up ,and so on.
All in all,I would reiterate that the Government should provide care and financial support to those retired elderly people who are not capable of standing keeping up with the expenses to live a good life but those who are able to live well with their own money can be exempt.
(Estimate IELTS Band Score: 6.0)
IELTS Examiner’s Comments: There are enough errors in grammar and choice of words to make your essay rather difficult to grasp. You provide too many ideas as well. Any new ideas should be in a separate paragraph and supported with real examples from your experience. Make your topic sentences clear and introduce the main idea in each topic sent.
IELTS Institute Team